You are sitting at the far end almost ignored by everyone. You are attracted to the mundane things - the things that your parents warned you against. You still crave clubbing with friends. You really do not drink any alcohol. You would normally sit and make jokes for they that are drunk to stupor. You take sips from time to time, but are never drunk. You still somehow find your way home and then you jump into your bed almost drunk.
You go to church everyday as instructed by your mom. You always feel she has an extra eye following you wherever you go. So you go to church even though the service is halfway done. You still meet up with friends at the close of service before they leave for their houses. You love the things you talk to them about. The parties you attend, the kind they would never attend until they grow up like you think you have - to have the kind of freedom you now enjoy because your parents are oversea and can hardly tell your movements. You laugh about the day you were almost drunk and the things you did with your friends. They are not really your friends. They are just persons you hang with when everything seems boring.
You still remember to say your prayers at dawn and when the night is on the verge of retiring. One would only wonder what you pray about. You believe there is a God somewhere. Even though you don't completely believe, you at least share in the faith of your mom.
You do not know the kind of person you are. You try from time to time to find a ground on which to plant and nurture your conviction. You are neither here nor there. Like the wave of the sea, uncertain of the values you should keep.
What definition have you given yourself?
Are you the kind that is neither cold nor hot? I imagine how you would come out the mouth that spills you. Slime you will become as you make contact with the ground.
Leke Alder calls you A definition Ghost. No one has an opinion of you. You do not oppose nor support. You like the grey droppings. And would rather stay on the fence than risk the energy of a conviction. "You blend in every environment with chameleonic agility, and you cannot stand for anything you believe."
"A man must have conviction. A man must stand for something, hold on to something. What you stand for defines you.
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